Tulsa is our hometown, and we're notorious booze hounds, so we know a little about bars. Something else we know about is bad bars. You know, those bars where you walk in and immediately want to blow your fucking brains out. I've compiled a list of all those bars in Tulsa. At least all the ones I've visited.
Woody's is like a douche paradise. It's like someone spray painted a Hurley emblem on the outside of it years ago and all of the tiny shirted, bulging muscled, "bro's" spread the word around that it's their go-to safe haven to pick up strange. The only problem is, everyone there digs it. The bar tenders, the bar backs, the waitresses. Everyone is so down on everything that is Creatine laden fuck boys. If you manage to make it out of Woody's with out some thick-necked retard trying to fight you, you might actually have enjoyed yourself watching all of them fumble over the exposed midriff of maybe a 7 at best.
2.) The Soundpony
The Soundpony is literally connected to one of the coolest places in Tulsa, Cain's Ballroom. Unfortunately none of the cool made it's way down the street, although some of the people who think they created cool did. The Soundpony is literally the definition of a shitty bar. It's nothing more than a hallway basically. On a slow night, it's still easy to get around because all of the people who go there are skinny, neck bearded hipsters. This place would be great if it was a punker bar in the late 80's or early 90's, but instead, you have to watch your pronouns and care about the environment to even have a conversation without being yelled at. I went there with some friends when a local old school punk band came to play. Super intimate given that the second you walk in the door they're just set up in the corner. But all of the hipsters looked at me like "What are you doing here and where is your ironic sports jacket"... Drinks are over priced, place is far too run down, and the indie music is passive aggressive. I'd rather drink on the smoking ash of where it once was than set foot inside it ever again.
3.) The Hunt Club
Actually The Hunt Club is pretty innocuous. I actually had my first shot of liquor there. The only beef I have with The Hunt Club is literally their little side stage. They put up alot of local talent there, which is great. I love giving local artists exposure. All I'm saying is that at some point, can you put someone up who doesn't just do sad social justice poetry over drum and bass? Like get a punk rock band. I'll even take a really frustrating indie band. I just really don't want to feel guilty about being able to drink on a Friday night simply because the artist thinks Bernie Sanders is his lord and savior Jesus Christ.
Okay, this is actually not in Tulsa. It's just North of Tulsa in a suburb called Owasso (my home town). FIshbonez is literally the best example of a bar that Jon Taffer needed to go to 10 years ago... And if he did, my guess is his advice would be to invite all the regular patrons for a free beer night, and the torch the place with everyone inside. Owasso tried for a long time to get a bar, but I'm guessing the goodie-two-shoes city council zoned so as to stop anyone from building one. Finally, one bar popped up next to the railroad tracks (such a great area), and they called it The Vault. Shortly there-after they got bought out by Fishbonez Tulsa and basically kept the place the same ratty piece of shit it was before. I mean, it's almost impressive. Here's a cool trick they do. You can go there on a Friday, puke into the sink, and then come back on Saturday night, and they'll make the puke reappear in the sink again! It's incredible! It's a mixture of not cleaning anything and really bad plumbing. The people who go there can only be described as "racist ignorant retards who don't want to drive all the way to Tulsa to have several rounds of cheap beer in a stinky nightmarish hellscape". Can you blame them?
I mean, the list could actually go on and on, but really that's all the ones you should steer clear of. Or who knows, maybe you like douche bags, or hipsters, or even redneck racist piles of shit. Chances are if you go to a bar all of those people will be surrounding you and you won't even know it. Maybe next time I'll do a list of places you should visit. At this juncture, though, I can't seem to think of one I really love.
This blog post was written by Aaron, host and producer of MPR. If you found this information useful, please share it with everyone you know. Click the button below to subscribe to the podcast or send us an email. Or leave a comment below.